MY MIDI CONTROLLER: Arturia Minilab MkII

PROS:

• Small/Portable
• Very cute :)
• Lots of knobs/assignable pads
• Cheap (60$ used)

CONS:

• Only 25 keys ←this is the big one
• Small keys; finger positioning is hard
• No speakers (JUST a controller)
• No case

I had to label the keys because I keep forgetting which is which... The notes on the left of the keyboard are to remind me what sharp and flat mean.

I was in school band for 8 years.

I am using a VERY LEGAL copy of Ableton Live Suite to play. If you want to know where I PURCHASED it, shoot me an email.

I also PURCHASED the music off of musescore, which is (actually) a great resource. If you want to know how I DOWNLOADED IT LEGALLY, shoot me an email.

(Or, shoot me a message via Guestbook / Neocities on how you'd like to chat. I have Discord!)

I can in fact play the first page of The Black Parade, but as it turns out the rest of the song is significantly harder than I bargained for. I have switched to practicing this Pokemon sheet music for children. →

I also added the note letters above the notes like I did in high school.

ACQUIRED: 07/16/2023

REALIZED I NEED TWO HANDS: 07/19/2023

I CAN'T READ BASS CLEFF: 07/23/2023

First song I tried was The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance because I think I might be autistic (←this is a joke) (unless..?)

I can read it just fine, if a bit slow, especially since my friend Dizzy helped with teaching me the pneumonics for bass cleff, but I cannot for the life of me get my hands to move independently of each other...

There's also the fact that I just. Don't really know what to do with tie notes. Dizzy says for piano I should like, let go of the key a bit and push it back down more gently, like a half-hit. That's not how I played it when I played vibraphone/marimba, and I'm really struggling to get the rhythms right for some reason with tie notes.

Okay quick overshare: I'm doing all this because my relationship with music is sort of fucked!

I did school marching band from grades 7-12 and I graduated last year (in 2022). I enjoyed band, I had a lot of good memories, I made a lot of good friends and met my partner. But, wow, some of the things I witnessed? Some of the shit I dealt with? Absolutely ridiculous. I was told I simply wasn't trying hard enough frequently, I was all but forced into playing the marimba senior year despite never reading music or playing a keyboard before, we were encouraged to 'push through' our injuries and put band above everything else. It was rough! It was a lot! Yes, I cried when the final season was over- but I also cried as it went on. Playing a mallet instrument was hell on my hands, which are already constantly sore from The Illness and constantly injured from eczema. When I complained they told me to put tape over the blisters and keep going. I told myself I'd never play music again.

This is probably dramatic of me, as from what I can tell my experiences are sort of universal as far as competitive marching band goes. But alas, I am a fragile person with fragile little baby hands.

But I really miss it, honestly. I miss performing, I miss playing funky tunes in a group and the feeling of everything clicking. But I'm also fucking terrified! Because all I can think about is not being good enough, all I can think about is whenever I'm frustrated or upset or panicked that I have to keep playing, that I'll disappoint everyone if I don't. I feel stupid for not figuring out piano in- what- two weeks? Like, when I type it out, when I say it out loud, it sounds insane! Of course I haven't mastered a new instrument in two weeks. Of course I haven't mastered composing, or lyric writing, or rhythms or melodies or moving my fingers properly. But I still feel very discouraged.

I want to play in a band again, in real life and/or online. I want to write music, and put my own lyrics together, and have an outlet for all the rage and anger and frustration I feel, but the barrier to entry seems too high. And it feels like I'll never be able to work hard enough. Like, I'm going to keep trying, at least for now- if I give up after two weeks the keyboard will feel like a waste of money and that can NOT fly- but jesus christ. I miss marching band and also it was one of the worst things I ever did. It saved my life and gave me new reasons to want to die. And none of the practical skills or physical strength have stayed with me at all.

Back to practicing, then.